In Loving Memory

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Proven Otherwise

Sadly, I received word that my beta resulted in a BFN.  I'm devastated and angry, but it is what it is.  I did everything I could, but in the end it was not enough.  I don't think we'll be trying again, so I guess I'm done here.  I need time to reevaluate my life and try to move on from this loss as difficult as it is. 

I wish everyone on this journey all the best and I'm thankful for the hope this blogging community has shared through their stories.  Good wishes to all!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

1.5 WW

I'll begin by confessing that I am one impatient, pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO) lady.  I caved in and took the pregnancy test today, which revealed a BFN!  I know it's probably too soon but I am going for my first beta test tomorrow, so why not?  I'm not discouraged or upset, so no harm done.  I'll wait for more official results tomorrow.  Lucky for me, it's not a whole 2 weeks of waiting.

This past week was a rollercoaster!  The first 3 days following the transfer were great.  I was home from work, had the love and support of my family who came over to bring food and help out, and celebrated my 31st birthday on Wednesday, April 16!  On the 4th day, however, I had a little scare, well, maybe a big scare.  I was relaxing on the couch after work, when I went to get up for a juice refill.  Just as I tried to stand, my little French bulldog knocked my foot out from under me and I fell face down to the floor.  Before I could even get up, I started crying in fear that I'd hurt my embabies.  It took awhile for my DH to console me and convince me that everything would be ok, but even now I wonder... and pray for their health and well being. 

The next day, I had a cyst check with Dr. R and I told him about the fall, of course.  He reassured me that as long as I don't have any pain or bleeding, he agrees with my DH and I should be fine, but to call the office if I have any other concerns.  He also informed me that my ovaries were fine and there weren't any cysts present.  Later on that afternoon, Jen called to tell me that my progesterone levels were low according to my blood work from that morning and that I should discontinue the progesterone suppositories to immediately begin 2 CC's of progesterone injections daily.  She said I shouldn't be concerned and that on April 23rd I could come in for my first beta test.  Oh, really?!  Who wouldn't be concerned?!  I freaked out (again) but luckily I have my DH who can pretty much talk me off a ledge.  These injections are really painful but I'd do anything for my embabies. 

The weekend brought some fun times as we continued my birthday celebrations at my favorite restaurant Que Pasta on Saturday followed by some drinks a bar, 3 Wise Monks.  Before anyone assumes I had alcohol, I didn't, I only had OJ.  My DH had some beers with his friends, which I personally don't mind because I think it'd be unfair to ask him to give up something that has no effect on me or our embabies whatsoever.  Others might not agree but it doesn't bother me.  The next day, in some ironic twist, I felt as if I'd gotten wasted at the bar.  I was nauseous and my head hurt but I just kept thinking these must be good signs.  Maybe even early pregnancy symptoms!  I'm keeping my head up and hope for the best tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

CD #22 / TRANSFER (2nd Attempt)

They're here!!  Everything went as successfully as expected once I got to the hospital. This afternoon at around 1pm, I was reunited with my last 2 perfect little embryos.  Those were Dr. R's actual words and I couldn't agree more.

They are perfect; twin celestial bodies of love and light; my worlds of wonder and hope.  Although I do not feel any different than the day before, I am filled with the realization that I have a greater purpose in this lifetime.  Even if I experience the same heartbreak as with my first 2 embabies, I have fulfilled my job as a mother loving and nurturing them the best I could however short our time was. This time the outcome will be different, I feel.  I waited two long years since the last pregnancy to get here but finally my faith is renewed and my strength will not falter to any negativity that may arise.  I am devoted to my 2 embabies with all the love in my heart and humbly pray that this journey lasts for many years to come.  Words can never accurately describe how I feel on this blog, but I know my embabies can feel my love within me and that's all I could really ask for.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Baby Dust Needed

I'm waking up in 5 hours to get ready for my FET transfer... I'm beyond excited although I wish I could sleep right now. I got almost everything done that I'd wanted to do prior to the big day: laundry, grocery shopping, food prep, cleaning, etc. I'm planning to finish up later, before 11am, because that's the time we need to leave.

It's now 3:10!  I have changed my mind about continuing to blog at this very moment so I'll be back later. What I need to do is try harder to get some rest.  The irony of that last statement is not lost on me, lol!

Friday, April 11, 2014

CD # 19 / 3 Days Left

The countdown is on and there's so much to do before my transfer. Problem is, I'm so beat right now from working a 10.25 hour shift standing with only one 45 minute break, I can barely function.  I also work tomorrow morning until 1: 30pm so getting anything done today is completely out of the question, but it still annoys me.  Luckily, I blog mostly from my phone or I wouldn't even bother with this post, lol. 

Tomorrow night, most of family will be getting together at my favorite restaurant, Que Pasta, to celebrate my birthday.  Even with all I have going on I could never pass up the opportunity to go eat there, the food is amazing!  Monday thru Wednesday I'll be out of commission and home in bed (which is awesome) but seeing as how Wednesday is also my actual birthday, it means I have to be prepared for some unexpected visitors.  Thus, I have a very small window of time to accomplish all the things on my to-do list.  3 MORE DAYS!!!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

CD #18 / Pineapples

It's that time of the year.  As my birthday rapidly approaches, so does my transfer day.  I received final confirmation yesterday that it will definitely be on Monday, April 14 at 12:30 at the Fairlawn Surgical Center where I had my IVF retrieval and transfer done 2 years ago.  I also had some more blood work and a sonogram done.  Those results came back positive, as usual, so I was given a whole new set of instructions for my meds.  I took my last Lupron injection yesterday but will to continue to do the Wednesday/ Saturday Delestrogen injections.  Beginning today, I will also be taking Methylprednisolone pills 2x a day and half of a Progesterone suppository at night before bed.  I have to say I'm really glad to start cutting back on the amount of shots I've been doing because I was feeling like a human pin cushion!  Luckily, it seems that the injections didn't hurt as much this time around compared to 2 years ago.

I've arranged to sign all the necessary paperwork on Monday morning an hour before the procedure so I don't take too much more time away from work.  I'll be out for 3 days total and I get to spend my birthday at home with my growing family.  My DH and I are really excited and have prepared for the big day by taking a trip to our local grocery store to stock up on lots of fresh fruits and veggies perfect for preggos.  The most important item: PINEAPPLE!  I read that it's supposed to be a great aid in
the implantation of the embryos so it was definitely a must buy.  I'm not entirely sure if there's any truth to it, but it can't hurt to try anyway and I love pineapples!

FYI:  You have to get 1 pineapple and cut it into 5 equal slices like the photo. You then eat each slice once a day beginning the day of the transfer until they're all gone. The most important part is to eat the core of the pineapple because it contains bromelain, which acts as an anti-inflammatory and increases cervical mucus.  It also helps to eat it on an empty stomach. Here's hoping this tip helps!

Thursday, April 3, 2014

April Fool

I went to the doctors office early this morning for more blood work, but before I could walk out the door... April fool!  The nurse says I have to stay for an ultrasound too.  Not that I have the best memory but I swear that's not what Jen said last week.  I don't really mind these tests anymore, I only wish I'd been told ahead of time so I didn't have to speed to get to work on time.  Luckily, it was quick, everything looks good so far, and I made it to work early.

Later on this afternoon I received a call from Jen letting me know that I should continue with the same dosages of Lupron and Delestrogen.  She also says that Dr. R would like me to go back next Wednesday for more blood work and another sonogram.  Not only that, but it appears I now have a tentative date for my transfer: Monday, April 14.  It just so happens that my birthday is on April 16 which means I get to spend it with my little ones, the best gift I could think of!  It's both exciting and nerve wrecking but I truly cannot wait!  

They are so close, yet so far away.